Sunday, January 4, 2015

With an open heart

There's something I've been needing to talk about for quite some time.  Something very personal.  A subject that that is all too often kept a secret.  Until recently, I had only confided in my closest friends and family.  But now it's time to talk.  Not just for myself, but for others who may be suffering in silence.

Just like many other newlyweds, people started asking those awkward questions almost immediately after we got married.  "Sooo....when are you having kids?" "Isn't it about time for a little one?"  "What are you waiting for?" (and the list goes on).  Even though the answers to those questions are extremely personal, we would still kindly respond with answers such as "Whenever the time feels right for us." "After we get settled in our new home and/or job." or "We want to enjoy being married for a while first."  And of course, the questions didn't stop or get any easier after Justin and I decided we were ready to start our family.  In fact, they kept getting more and more hurtful and difficult to answer.

As the months passed by, countless family members, friends, co-workers (and even people I only keep up with through social media) were announcing their pregnancy news.  I was overjoyed for each and every single announcement!  But along with the feelings of joy and excitement for my friends, it was nearly impossible to avoid feeling pangs of jealousy and thinking "Why not me?".  Even though I was aware that 1 in 8 couples struggle with infertility, I felt as if we were the only ones in the world dealing with this type of hurt and sadness.

I've started being more honest about our struggles in the past six months or so, and although it doesn't make everything alright, it sure does help to talk.  Some of my greatest comfort came from a family member who reached out to me, telling me about her infertility issues, and opening the lines of communication about the subject.  Before talking with a familiar face with the same issues, I scoured every website, message board and blog online for information, advice and comfort.  But it just wasn't the same as hearing it from someone I personally know.  So that's what I'm hoping to accomplish with this blog. I want this to be a place for not only couples facing infertility, but also for people facing various forms of pregnancy and infant loss.  I hope to invite some guest bloggers to join us, as well!  A place for sharing, encouragement, learning and even celebration!  And don't worry, I won't be going into any private details....I do want to share as much as possible, but I'd like to think I know where to draw the line!   ;-)

Thank you so much for taking time to read my very first post!  I appreciate all of those who are already praying with and for us!

Love, Renee

PS-  Phew....I already feel better.